New Retro Phone Cord Automatically Twirls Around Your Finger When That Cute Boy Finally Calls

You met at an event for divorced “Magic: The Gathering” enthusiasts. Him tall, dark, and handsome. You short, pale and full of impure thoughts.

You’re having fuzzy and giggly thoughts about him, he’s having fuzzy and giggly thoughts about fantasy football. Has he forgotten about you? Yes. But he’ll call eventually. And when he does, that cord will be twirled around your little finger like you’re twirled around his.

He hasn’t called in weeks. The days are long, the nights are longer, but this cord is longest. It comes in lengths ranging from 200 to 210 feet, so you can take it with you as you pace around the house in anticipation of the moment Mr. Wonderful remembers you exist.

Winner of ‘First Runner-Up’ for ‘Worst Product of the Year’, the cord can only be purchased in-store at one of the country’s two Phone Supply locations.

Enid "Sandman" Sanderson
Enid is a discredited journalist that we’re fortunate to have. Her rare combination of a complete lack of journalistic integrity, coupled with a genuine contempt for fact-checking, is as noteworthy as it is alarming.

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Like your own virtual newspaper boy, but without the bicycle, errant throwing and broken windows.